11:11

             I remember the night Kreton and I decided to officially be together (who wouldn't, right? :) ).  It was filled with excitement.  We talked.  We laughed.  We looked upon the other with amazement.  We didn’t want to leave, even though the night grew old.  Kreton asked me the time.  I glanced at the clock and responded “11:11.”  He grinned.  He asked if I knew what that meant.  I thought it was a time when you make a wish, much like seeing a shooting star or blowing away a fallen eyelash.  Kreton explained how he was told that some people believe that if a person sees 11:11, then he or she is exactly where he or she is suppose to be at that moment.  Some people even think that spiritual guides are wanting us to realize that moment is of great significance, that they are present.  Yeah it gave me chills.  The good kind.  The kind when you feel an incredible “rightness.”  It allowed me to take a brief moment to step back from the whirlwind of experience and reflect on its incredible blessing.

            Since that moment a couple of months ago, I’ve been catching 11:11 often.  I saw it in the car after a fun night at the movies with Kreton and new friends.  Another time when Jason was talking with me about how the little boys were doing with the loss of their mum.  One time, my mobile fell out of my pocket and Kreton retrieved it.  The screen displayed the 11:11.  Perhaps my brain is seeking it out.  Perhaps the pattern catches my eye. Perhaps it is coincidental.  Or perhaps 11:11 indicates a blessed time.

            Blessed time.  11:11 has touched me because it illuminates the experience I’m in, giving me a chance to be thankful, hopeful, loved.  The beautiful thing is I don’t have to wait every 12 hours.  11:11 happens to me when Hamish laughs uncontrollably at my antics.  It happens when Andy and I celebrate his mum at preschool (Andy asked me to be his guest of honor for Mother's Day) or Matt gives me a hug when I pick him up (and believe me a tired Kindergartner isn't always so hug ready!).  It happens when I hold Tara’s hand while we’re listening to soul quenching music.  It happens when I see and talk to my grandma and grandpa on Skype, after a year and a half of not seeing each other.  It happens when I see Kreton’s brown eyes light up from the brilliance of his boyish grin.  Taking a moment to soak in the sacredness of the time at hand doesn’t need to wait for the flashing clock.

            Living and working in the Mulcahy household has taught me about moving forward amongst tragedy.  At times there is nothing but questions.  Jason told me just today, as we talked about the toll cancer can take, that once you have children, your life desires change from “you” to wanting to see your little ones grow up.  The fight is bigger than yourself.   And so there may not be answers but most certainly there is love.  He moves forward for his boys, with them, to give them 11:11.  I have not entered parenthood yet.  But there is much to discover at my current life stage too.  There are questions, there are new desires, there is love.  Life can be routine.  Life can be unfair. Life can be taken. We all have felt it, seen it, know it.  Perhaps that is why 11:11 has become an important part of my story of late.  It reminds me to take a step back and see life’s vitality, its heartbeat, its new beginning, even amongst the tragedy, the hard times.  I haven’t blogged in awhile but I have been working on what it means to be living.  Thank you all for doing life with me.  May you all share in seizing the day and, once more, may it be a time when your eye catches 11:11.