Goodnight Mummy

Perhaps some of you haven't thought about it, but the night sky in Australia, the Southern Hemisphere, looks different than the one back home.  Instead of looking for the big and small dipper automatically, people here look for the Southern Cross. Many of you have joined me in one of my favorite pastimes, staring up at the nighttime expanse and talking about all sorts of important and unimportant life contemplations (especially if blankets and a slight chill are involved...less bugs!).

The night sky has taken on a whole new meaning of late.  For the little boys, Matt, Andy, and Hamish, the stars represent their mum shining down on them.  Before she took up permanent residence in Heaven, she told her little ones that she was always with them, a star in the night sky, that they could talk to her and look upon her.  The night of the funeral, I was putting them to bed, and they were missing their mummy.  Matt said he needed to say goodnight to her, so he climbed out of bed, went to the window, found the one star that the city lights didn't blink out, and in his little boy voice of incalculable loss said, "Goodnight, mummy.  I love you."  Little Andy followed his big brother's example.  I chimed in too.  This, my dear ones, is the world I live in right now.  All things considered, everyone is being pretty resilient with Judy's passing.  But it catches you at the most unexpected moments.  Like when little Andy snuggled up to me in my bed after his nap, and solemnly stared with his big blue eyes straight into mine.  I asked him, "What's going on in here?" while patting his head.  He said in his sincere, sweet, and very serious voice, "I want to touch Mummy."  I'm tearing up a bit just writing about it.  I tell them its ok to miss her and be sad.  I tell them to talk to her because she is with them.  I tell them she loves them and I do too.

Judy's funeral was tragically beautiful.  The room overflowed with mourners.  Even the standing room filled up.  She planned most of the funeral herself, including letters read to her husband, boys, family, and friends.  Admittedly, I sobbed through most of it.  Her sister in law read the family's eulogy and Jason read his own.  There was not a dry eye to be seen and seeing Jason's tears fall on the pages he was reading from was one of the most poignant moments of her life's celebration.  Judy was sent off with great honor and unspeakable love.

I've been touched by the care of Judy's family and friends.  I'm exhausted from the constant visitors but relieved by their presence at the same time.  We all take care of each other because we are all in this together.

I do escape into my other "world" too.  Tara has been a true rock to me this last week.  She calls to check up on me and chat.  She broke her plans on the day Judy passed to share a pint with me, to share life with me.  On Saturday, I visited her in the City and we found a small cafe in the historical downtown of Sydney, called the Rocks.  We sat in its shaded courtyard for a few hours, drinking coffee and hot chocolate, listening to music, and making lists.  Our lists spur on the sharing of our deepest current life reflections.  I believe there is always good purposes to be found if we are willing to search for them.  Tara's move to Sydney is a most wonderful and purposeful good.  There have been the messages of prayer and encouragement from all my dear ones back in the States and France and all over Australia.  Samantha met me for Max Brenner's chocolate Belgium waffles.  Riaaz calls and texts me everyday words of encouragement.  Kreton makes me laugh and visits parks with me.  Andrew is always ready to be a listening ear.  The list goes on and on.  Jessi. Abby. Amy. Leah. Jessie. Matt. Wade. Vinci. Lisa. Juli. Mom. Dad. Aunt Caroline. Jessica....  I feel quite unworthy, as I am not the one who has lost as the people around me have lost, but I welcome the Sacredness of others breathing life into me.  It gives me strength.  It gives me rest. It gives me love to pass forward.

I look forward to the City again with Tara tonight.  We have some plans to explore Surrey Hills, her new home, and do some shopping!!!! Also, St. Patty's day is around the corner.  I fully intend to play up my Irish side!  Tara, Riaaz, and I, and whoever else ends up coming, are planning a Blue Mountains trip on an upcoming weekend.  I can't wait to breathe in the mountain air and go for gorgeous hikes with some of my dearest friends.  My hope is there is a campfire at some point.  And maybe S'mores! (Aussies don't know what S'mores are so I have to right this injustice).

May you be blessed this day. I miss you all.  xoxoxo

P.S. To my own mummy.  Goodnight.