The Power of Presence

I’ve been plagued with questions about whether I am still blogging and if so, why I am neglecting my cyberspace residence.  I apologize deeply for my neglect but yes I am still writing, just at an icicle melting pace apparently (don’t forget it’s winter here, which does mean hibernation laziness but doesn’t equal to any icicle formation at all).  It isn’t really possible to catch up with all my activities since (gulp) May?  So let’s just cut to the chase and I’ll write down the meat of the matter-the power of presence.  This thought has been circulating my mind for some months now.  In fact, I remember telling Leah some weeks ago I would be blogging on this subject.  Well here it is my dears.

            My baby sister, Juli, graduated from high school at the end of May (and she just moved into college a few days ago….the last hatchling to fly the nest!…kind of).  My mum’s (going Australian on this one) parents drove in for the festivities from California.  After the hustle and bustle of the weekend, my grandparents and parents booted up Skype and paid me a virtual visit.  To behold their presence on my computer was a bit overwhelming for me and rendered my dear grandmother to gentle tears.  I hadn’t seen them, at that time, in over a year and a half.  It may have just been my computer reconstructing their faces and voices, but the whole experience blessed my heart for days.

            The power of presence astounds me.  It’s not even particular to the presence of people either.  Ever since I was a little girl, darkness has frightened me.  My imagination shaped every shadow into a menacing face and every noise into a threatening monster.  At nighttime, I didn’t just insist on a night light, but a full fledge supernova lamp turned on.  The presence of light brought me comfort, an assurance that a bad dream or strange noise would be greeted by cheery beams bouncing onto all my books and dolls.  I’m not too proud to admit that even now as a twenty five year old there are nights I still leave the light on if I don’t feel brave enough.  (I must add as an aside here, though, that when I’m surrounded by others who are also frightened, like the three kids I nanny for, I put on my superhero bravery and punch back big bad dark.  Funny that, eh?  When I’m called into bravery for others, I rise to the occasion.)

            I’m reminded of the power of presence whenever I see Tara after a stint of time away.  There is something extremely restful about being in the presence of someone who knows your back-story and holds significant history with you.  The two of us communicate in a special language with inside jokes and anecdotes, victories and hurts.  It’s as if there is less energy needed to be myself when I am with a good mate.  The phone or email or texts or Facebook cannot replicate the facial expressions, touch, and word combo that exist between the two of us in person. 

Another beautiful power with presence is how it can bring relaxation and pleasure even when the people involved are in the same place but doing separate activities.  Merely existing in the same room with Kreton, even if we aren’t interacting, blesses me.  It is the knowledge that someone who deeply cares about you is nearby, at arms length.  His presence is comfort, like my well-worn, well loved, deliciously warm Uggs.  During my long days, I miss the warmth of his presence.

            It has been over six months since I left for my adventure in Australia and that is officially the longest time I’ve been without seeing my immediate family and close friends.  Their presence has become a memory I hang onto.  I know they are with me in spirit (and often in email, text, skype, prayers, etc.)  It is a trust I hold between them and I, that our special languages aren’t lost but will merely need to be brushed up on when we are physically together again.  Sometimes, those memories are what bolster me up when I feel a twinge of homesickness.  They swell my heart and give me courage to forge ahead on the good path before me, even if the path doesn’t bring me their physical presence at the moment.

            There have been many beautiful times I have felt God’s presence in my life.  Dancing with my friends, laying below the immense night sky, a hug after a disheartening day, beholding an answered prayer, looking into the eyes of a loved one and the list of thin places goes on and on.  Yet, sometimes I do not feel His presence.  You all know what I’m talking about.  It is the times when I feel God is silent, when life is overwhelming and the times of heavenly rightness are few and far between.  This doesn’t mean He isn’t there.  Like with my family and friends, His faithfulness warms me and provides me with superhero bravery to punch back life’s battles. My family and friends are supporting me, helping me to have the best of life, even though it is more behind the scenes at the moment.  God, also, is working behind the scenes at these times.  I hold the memory of His past blessings and wait in anticipation for when a new thin places brings me close to His presence again.

            I’m planning to trek back to my homeland in January/February (with Kreton!). And believe me, the presence of all my Stateside loved ones will be a thin place for sure.  But don’t worry; there is much presence here that is giving my life a supernova lamp.

*Important/fun events since I’ve last blogged (in no particular order):

-Went to the circus

-Saw an acrobatic show at the Opera House

-Spent a lovely spring day at the beachy town of Terrigal where Kreton came to my rescue

-Got really into the show “Big Bang Theory” (kudos Kreton)

-Applied for and was accepted into Grad school in Australia (whether it is the best decision for me to go this next year is yet to be decided! Prayers are much appreciated.)

-Made lots of cakes for birthdays for the Mulcahy boys

-Tara’s birthday!!!!!!

-Went to the musical “Wicked” with Kreton

-Went on holiday to the Gold Coast with the Mulcahy family (yeah roller coasters!)

-Met and spent time with some wonderful people through Cityside/Shirelive

-Went to live music performed by Band of Horses, The Magic Numbers, and Angus and Julia Stone

-Walks, shopping, and exploration

-My usual Skyping with dear ones, including joining some of my uni friends for a dinner. (skype me!)

          I’m absolutely sure I’m forgetting things!  Hopefully this is a good amount of update for everyone.  As always, your updates and communications bless me immensely!  Let’s keep all of our “languages” alive people ;)

Hugs,

Joy

11:11

             I remember the night Kreton and I decided to officially be together (who wouldn't, right? :) ).  It was filled with excitement.  We talked.  We laughed.  We looked upon the other with amazement.  We didn’t want to leave, even though the night grew old.  Kreton asked me the time.  I glanced at the clock and responded “11:11.”  He grinned.  He asked if I knew what that meant.  I thought it was a time when you make a wish, much like seeing a shooting star or blowing away a fallen eyelash.  Kreton explained how he was told that some people believe that if a person sees 11:11, then he or she is exactly where he or she is suppose to be at that moment.  Some people even think that spiritual guides are wanting us to realize that moment is of great significance, that they are present.  Yeah it gave me chills.  The good kind.  The kind when you feel an incredible “rightness.”  It allowed me to take a brief moment to step back from the whirlwind of experience and reflect on its incredible blessing.

            Since that moment a couple of months ago, I’ve been catching 11:11 often.  I saw it in the car after a fun night at the movies with Kreton and new friends.  Another time when Jason was talking with me about how the little boys were doing with the loss of their mum.  One time, my mobile fell out of my pocket and Kreton retrieved it.  The screen displayed the 11:11.  Perhaps my brain is seeking it out.  Perhaps the pattern catches my eye. Perhaps it is coincidental.  Or perhaps 11:11 indicates a blessed time.

            Blessed time.  11:11 has touched me because it illuminates the experience I’m in, giving me a chance to be thankful, hopeful, loved.  The beautiful thing is I don’t have to wait every 12 hours.  11:11 happens to me when Hamish laughs uncontrollably at my antics.  It happens when Andy and I celebrate his mum at preschool (Andy asked me to be his guest of honor for Mother's Day) or Matt gives me a hug when I pick him up (and believe me a tired Kindergartner isn't always so hug ready!).  It happens when I hold Tara’s hand while we’re listening to soul quenching music.  It happens when I see and talk to my grandma and grandpa on Skype, after a year and a half of not seeing each other.  It happens when I see Kreton’s brown eyes light up from the brilliance of his boyish grin.  Taking a moment to soak in the sacredness of the time at hand doesn’t need to wait for the flashing clock.

            Living and working in the Mulcahy household has taught me about moving forward amongst tragedy.  At times there is nothing but questions.  Jason told me just today, as we talked about the toll cancer can take, that once you have children, your life desires change from “you” to wanting to see your little ones grow up.  The fight is bigger than yourself.   And so there may not be answers but most certainly there is love.  He moves forward for his boys, with them, to give them 11:11.  I have not entered parenthood yet.  But there is much to discover at my current life stage too.  There are questions, there are new desires, there is love.  Life can be routine.  Life can be unfair. Life can be taken. We all have felt it, seen it, know it.  Perhaps that is why 11:11 has become an important part of my story of late.  It reminds me to take a step back and see life’s vitality, its heartbeat, its new beginning, even amongst the tragedy, the hard times.  I haven’t blogged in awhile but I have been working on what it means to be living.  Thank you all for doing life with me.  May you all share in seizing the day and, once more, may it be a time when your eye catches 11:11.

A Sprinkling of Stories

It is nice to know that when I am absent in my blogging I have people that will remind me of my negligence.  In all reality, I like to write when I am inspired to do so and I haven’t found a subject to blab about.  So, while I’m itching to write, I still don’t have a solid topic to entertain you’s with.  This blog I feel might be a bit all over the place with random thoughts and observations.

Observations and Stories of Aussie Land:

1. I live in the suburbs.  Suburbia is suburbia the world over.  Homes.  Lawns.  Shops.  More cars.  Less public transport.  Something really sweet about the suburbs here are the uniqueness of the homes in the neighborhoods.  Unlike the States, every home here has its own unique look.  There isn’t the repeat floor plans and carbon copy exteriors found so commonly found back home.  It’s funny because some people like to joke how “communist” Australia is but really the U.S.’s suburbia suggests the blasé uniformity of communism more. (Wow.  See random sidenote!) I enjoy the beauty of suburban neighborhoods here.  Creeks and foliage dot the landscape too.  I like my current home.  The only major strike against it is the fact that I have to travel about an hour to the city center, to visit Tara or Lisa or other mates.  Also, the nearest train station is a fifteen minute drive.
2. By now, I rarely “hear” accents.  But there are a few things that give away I’m living in the next continent over.  Aussies’ like using the word “proper” or “properly.” As in, that is a proper car or I exercised properly.  Also, the word “can’t” sounds very British.  And of course there is the shortening of every word possible.  Rego for registration.  Scripts for prescriptions.  Raw raw raw for etcetera etcetera etcetera.  It makes for quite a few moments of “you are speaking English, right?”
3. I no longer am nervous about driving “backwards” here.  It is quite natural for me to whip around on the left side.  However, autopilot does catch me out. Just last week, I was deep in my thoughts pulling out of the post office parking lot.  I immediately turned right into the nearest lane.  Snapping out of my daydreaming came abruptly when I realized I was going to be playing chicken with a few cars  in the matter of seconds.  With a quick over the shoulder glance I swerved dramatically to the left lanes. Thankfully no cars inhibited my unconventional entry!!! 
4. My other car adventure involved the three little Mulcahy boys and me.  We were driving to and from the city last Wednesday to deliver keys to Jason that he needed for his car.  I proceeded to twice exit incorrectly from the motorway, both times after I had just hung up my mobile from talking with Jason (by the way using your mobile while you’re driving unless it is handless is illegal in Sydney…).  The phone call distracted me enough that I was unable to multi-task following the signs of where I needed to go.  Perfect example of why mobiles are banned for use while driving!!!  The second incorrect exit took me in the under city tunnel instead of over the Sydney Harbor Bridge.  I landed out into the heart of Sydney’s Red Light district, King’s Cross.  I jokingly quipped to Jason on the phone, who was giving me directions back to his place of work, that I was giving his boys an “education.”  Luckily, Jason upholds the Aussie values of easygoingness and a great sense of humor!  I had to fight downtown traffic all my way back to where I was suppose to be in The Rocks district of Sydney’s CBD.  People walked faster than I was driving.  The little ones took it well, even after I told them in a very stressed out tone that I couldn’t talk to them until I figured out where I was going.  Don't worry they were rewarded in Easter chocolate and lunch with Daddy!
5. I continue to bond with my little charges.  Hamish has blessed me with a couple true cuddles of late.  He fully puts his little arms around my neck and nuzzles his head into my shoulder, as I hug him back.  Of course this is usually right after I rescue him from the boredom of his crib or play pen, so I'm not sure if it is out of love as much as it is glee from being released from his current prison!  It makes my day every time anyway!  Matt and Andy continue to surprise me with their moments of little boy vulnerability and sweetness.  I don’t think I’ve been told or tell any boys I love them as much as we tell it to each other!  Andy’s preschool teachers told me the other day when I picked him up that he talks about me all the time.  Absolutely that tidbit lit up my face for the rest of the day.  I’ve gotten in the habit of not turning on the radio for my rides with the boys because they always have stories and observations of their worlds.  Andy asked me on Friday, “Joy, what do satellites do?”  Yeah.  He’s three.  How do you explain what satellites do in language a 3 year old understands?  How does he even know what satellites are in the first place?  After I explained to the best of my ability about the ones that orbit the earth in space, he then goes on to clarify that he was talking about the ones on towers.  Yeah.  Sweet.  Our conversation carried us all the way home!
6. A large part of my life this last month has been figuring out how this whole seriously committed relationship thing works.  So far I’ve decided it makes me very happy and it keeps me on my toes!! …the more the effort, the greater the reward J For those of you who read my blog but I’m not lucky enough to talk to regularly, here is the rap sheet on my wonderful Aussie partner in crime.  His name is Kreton Israel.  No, he isn’t Jewish….rather half Greek, half Lebanese and full Australian, as we say.  He does speak Greek with his mum!  He currently is doing his Honours Year at Uni in Maths (sort of equivalent to Masters but still a bit different).  We met through our friends Tara and Riaaz the first time I was in Australia.  There are many, many things I am attracted to about him but I won’t make anyone puke with too many girly gushings.  A few attributes that come to mind almost immediately are his intelligence (helloooo Maths!), his logical/sensory perspective of the world (often very different from my own!), his strength, boyish grin, humor, and his deep care for people.  He treats me well and I’ve discovered new things about myself through being with him (like my need for breathe mints and my unreal constant restroom usage...better that than peeing my pants I say!!!!).  Now I’m sure all of you are thinking “when do we get to meet this fabulous catch with a gorgeous Aussie accent?”  Hopefully someday!

While I am certainly enjoying my time here, I do think of my dear ones back home often, wishing to teleport back for weddings, graduations, proms, girls' nights, chats about the mystery of life, raw raw raw….I find I am incredibly blessed to have many places to be at once, with many people with whom love is shared.  Home is a wondrously transient entity for me.  It’s built upon my kindred spirits, my loves.

Please fill free to bring “home” to me anyway you possibly can!  Skype, letters, emails, calls, Facebook messages, texts, VISITS are all much appreciated!

XoXo Your Joy!

P.S. A special note to Joshy and Becky.  May you be blessed in your love and may it continually flow out, working wonder in those around you.  Congratulations in your very soon marriage kick off day!!!!!

Contentment Lives!

Not only do I share my place of living with three young boys and their father, I also have one black lab puppy, two cats, and two fish to boot.  Thankfully no birds!!! Those who know me well, know that due to some unfortunate family pet allergies and weird, creepy animals taking the place of the more typical fanfare, I have come to view most animals as unpredictable creatures.  I appreciate their place in our world—from a distance.  I don’t normally sit down too often during my days or my nights, trying to keep busy, but when I do, guaranteed the cats will find me for a full body rub down.  Sheba even goes as far as to move her head wherever you hand travels and literally head butts you into petting her.  H.G. curls up in your lap and stays for a marathon cuddle.

One night, Kreton laid all curled up with H.G. and both of them were purring with contentment.  If my personality could be encapsulated in an animal, it would have to be these cats, for contentment describes my general being of life at the moment.  Not to mention, I don’t turn down a cuddle very readily either!

Each day provides me with more reason to be thankful.  I truly feel like part of the Mulcahy family.  This weekend I stayed in Blacktown instead of venturing into the City but I was still in and out of the house.  As I flew out the door on Saturday afternoon, both Matt and Andy followed me to the door.  I looked at them quizzically.  They came in for a hug and a kiss goodbye.  It’s not all love though.  I often have to play the hard disciplinarian.  Sometimes, I chuckle to myself because I find some of my upbringing peeking through.  For instance, I insist on the boys having a healthy fruit snack before they can have a more unhealthy muesli bar or tiny teddies.  Mom should be proud!

I’m entirely thankful to the reappearance of dear friends in my life.  Most recently, Frances the Seventh from Austria and the fabulous Lisa of Germany have shared in the Aussie sunshine after all of us spending months apart.  Part of my need to come back to Australia was to once again be a part of an international community.  Sharing in cultures and perspectives widens the mind and narrows the world.  Being foreign implants tastes bittersweet, though, as each of us move in our own direction forward.  Dear Frances left for Thailand a few days ago before he finally lands back in his home country.  This might just cause for a trip to Austria!  Any excuse to travel (and that is a mighty good one)!

There is one near travesty in my suburban way of life.  The nearest Starbucks is a twenty to thirty minute drive!  Yet, Bucks still has its trashy coffee alluring power over us to make the trip.  An impromptu visit last night, spearheaded by my boyfriend and I, brought together a group of people that I’m honored to claim as friends. We drank frou frou beverages listening to Sam’s warp speed stories and chuckling at Andy’s interpretive dance moves.  Kreton tried to pass the imaginary “talking stick” because our conversations crissed cross about the circle.  I even let out the involuntary snort in reaction to the jolliness of our chatter.  Contentment. 

Don’t you’s (Aussie lingo) worry now.  I’m still seizing the day, even as I revel in current happiness.  Carpe Diem, in a way, is exactly how contentment lives.

My ending this time will be a paste from an old blog I wrote at the almost end of my last trip (September 2009).  It seems fitting to revisit it now:

“…Nothing turned out to be as expected, a mantra of our trip. It's almost humorous that just as I was gearing up to leave, visit New Zealand, and come home to figure out my next adventure abroad, I find something new. It is unexplainable and completely unexpected. It is beautiful how the actions of others perfectly combined to bring on a chance encounter, a new risk to be taken up. It would happen this way. The mantra still holds true, even in our last days. My life has been building toward a moment like this. I've been refined. It's kindred. It's instant. It's raw. It's grace. It's sacred. It gives hope. In the end it is about seizing the day, dancing joyfully in the moment, and perhaps taking the risk to not let go...”

I am so happy. 

I miss you all.  Thank you for keeping me a part of your lives even as I soak up my contentment here, dancing joyfully in the moment.

xoxo Joy!

Goodnight Mummy

Perhaps some of you haven't thought about it, but the night sky in Australia, the Southern Hemisphere, looks different than the one back home.  Instead of looking for the big and small dipper automatically, people here look for the Southern Cross. Many of you have joined me in one of my favorite pastimes, staring up at the nighttime expanse and talking about all sorts of important and unimportant life contemplations (especially if blankets and a slight chill are involved...less bugs!).

The night sky has taken on a whole new meaning of late.  For the little boys, Matt, Andy, and Hamish, the stars represent their mum shining down on them.  Before she took up permanent residence in Heaven, she told her little ones that she was always with them, a star in the night sky, that they could talk to her and look upon her.  The night of the funeral, I was putting them to bed, and they were missing their mummy.  Matt said he needed to say goodnight to her, so he climbed out of bed, went to the window, found the one star that the city lights didn't blink out, and in his little boy voice of incalculable loss said, "Goodnight, mummy.  I love you."  Little Andy followed his big brother's example.  I chimed in too.  This, my dear ones, is the world I live in right now.  All things considered, everyone is being pretty resilient with Judy's passing.  But it catches you at the most unexpected moments.  Like when little Andy snuggled up to me in my bed after his nap, and solemnly stared with his big blue eyes straight into mine.  I asked him, "What's going on in here?" while patting his head.  He said in his sincere, sweet, and very serious voice, "I want to touch Mummy."  I'm tearing up a bit just writing about it.  I tell them its ok to miss her and be sad.  I tell them to talk to her because she is with them.  I tell them she loves them and I do too.

Judy's funeral was tragically beautiful.  The room overflowed with mourners.  Even the standing room filled up.  She planned most of the funeral herself, including letters read to her husband, boys, family, and friends.  Admittedly, I sobbed through most of it.  Her sister in law read the family's eulogy and Jason read his own.  There was not a dry eye to be seen and seeing Jason's tears fall on the pages he was reading from was one of the most poignant moments of her life's celebration.  Judy was sent off with great honor and unspeakable love.

I've been touched by the care of Judy's family and friends.  I'm exhausted from the constant visitors but relieved by their presence at the same time.  We all take care of each other because we are all in this together.

I do escape into my other "world" too.  Tara has been a true rock to me this last week.  She calls to check up on me and chat.  She broke her plans on the day Judy passed to share a pint with me, to share life with me.  On Saturday, I visited her in the City and we found a small cafe in the historical downtown of Sydney, called the Rocks.  We sat in its shaded courtyard for a few hours, drinking coffee and hot chocolate, listening to music, and making lists.  Our lists spur on the sharing of our deepest current life reflections.  I believe there is always good purposes to be found if we are willing to search for them.  Tara's move to Sydney is a most wonderful and purposeful good.  There have been the messages of prayer and encouragement from all my dear ones back in the States and France and all over Australia.  Samantha met me for Max Brenner's chocolate Belgium waffles.  Riaaz calls and texts me everyday words of encouragement.  Kreton makes me laugh and visits parks with me.  Andrew is always ready to be a listening ear.  The list goes on and on.  Jessi. Abby. Amy. Leah. Jessie. Matt. Wade. Vinci. Lisa. Juli. Mom. Dad. Aunt Caroline. Jessica....  I feel quite unworthy, as I am not the one who has lost as the people around me have lost, but I welcome the Sacredness of others breathing life into me.  It gives me strength.  It gives me rest. It gives me love to pass forward.

I look forward to the City again with Tara tonight.  We have some plans to explore Surrey Hills, her new home, and do some shopping!!!! Also, St. Patty's day is around the corner.  I fully intend to play up my Irish side!  Tara, Riaaz, and I, and whoever else ends up coming, are planning a Blue Mountains trip on an upcoming weekend.  I can't wait to breathe in the mountain air and go for gorgeous hikes with some of my dearest friends.  My hope is there is a campfire at some point.  And maybe S'mores! (Aussies don't know what S'mores are so I have to right this injustice).

May you be blessed this day. I miss you all.  xoxoxo

P.S. To my own mummy.  Goodnight.

Twilight Eclipsed

"...And the mother gave, in tears and pain, 

The flowers she most did love; 

She knew she should find them all again 

In the fields of light above..."

~Longfellow

Judy's Twilight has eclipsed.  Her body lost the battle to The Beast, as she always called it, at 1 a.m. on Thursday, March 4.  Her funeral will be held this coming Tuesday at high noon.  The family, and even I in a different way, live on in a thin place.  We're surrounded by family and friends. The beauty in the ashes are the moments such as Thursday morning when I awoke to the laughter of her loved ones soldiering on in their grief.  Thank you all for your strength, deep sympathies, and encouraging words.  It fuels me and allows me to laugh with little boys.

Thin Places

When Rome was building its massive empire, its army would conquer new lands and people groups.  After its machine and routine destroying, Rome would offer its protection and cultivate the conquered in the ways of the greatest Latin culture.  For years, the Roman lands experienced Pax Romana.  The peace of Rome.  People lived with Roman soldiers, administrators, and government officials dictating their lives and taking a percentage of their livelihoods.  It was calm.  But it was uncomfortable and not always easy.

            Jessi, the other half of me, perhaps the better half of me, passionately lives in a place that is often conquered by evil outside forces.  Poverty.  Violence.  Drugs.  Desolation.  She loves people.  She loves her work.  Yet, she has followed the voice to a new place, where she will continue to love and work and beat back at the poverty and desolation.  She’s going to our home, the roots of our childhood, just as I have left the roots for the branches of adventure (again).  Our catching up is over the Internet these days and as we chatted on Skype, we discussed how peace is not beauty queen cuddly, but incredibly uncomfortable and heavy hearted.  She loves the people of Detroit with her whole being, yet has decided to leave.  Jessi exists in the peace of knowing her decision to step away into a new challenge infuses her with joy.  But how do you say goodbye to the little ones you’ve seen grow, learn, and laugh?  Or leave the rich, life sustaining relationships of her “family” there?  The heart cannot separate itself into here or there.  Peace remains as the wooly blanket.  It’s warmth protects and reassures.  It just feels a bit prickly on the bare skin.  Jess’s own Pax Romana.

            The Romans brought their forcible peace and they brought their culture.  They also brought their roads.  This great empire shaped our future and its sticky note reminder can be found in its infrastructure.  Besides Italy, I’ve visited Roman ruins in the U.K. and France.  The ruins monument the power of the Pax Romana.  People build roads to follow peace.  I have found my Pax Romana led me to a family in the throes of a great crisis.  It is a thin place, as my father’s quoted Celtic theology would say.  It is the moments when two places of different natures blend.  Thin places transform.  Thin places transition.  Judy lies at this moment loosely tethered to earth while at the same time breathing in the place of Beyond, the Sacred.  She is gathering her ties in a bouquet and slowly pressing the flowers into the hands of those who carry her with them always.  The Celts thought twilight a sacred thin time, where the earthly and heavenly realms held hands and danced briefly.  Miracles happen when hands are held.  I live with three small boys and their father at Judy’s twilight.   Whenever I can now, I hold the hand of a little boy and squeeze it three times.  It’s our secret language as the shadows rise.  For each squeeze there is a word. I. Love. You.

            Our bodies as temples used to be a worn out cliché to me.  Thin places have refreshed me.  The ancient Jews had many layers to their Temple.  Each courtyard brought a person closer to the most Sacred center.  Fewer and fewer people could go into each courtyard and rituals of cleansing had to be undergone at each place in order to enter it.  Only the high priest once a year ever entered the Holy of Holies, where God dwelled among the people.  A thin place.  We hold our own temples within.  There are layers to us all.  The outer courtyards hold the most people, they are the everyday citizens of our lives.  Some have the honor of moving to the next courtyard and fewer still to the next.  These people cleanse themselves with the sharing of trust and knowledge and love.  Very few enter our Holy of Holies.  This thinnest of places, the dwelling of our truest selves.  The thin places between Sacreds flame miracles; Heaven and Earth squeeze hands.  The little boys have little ritual or requirement for their thin places, for they need many to enter to know which roads bring peace.  There are bricks for the walls waiting.  But for now, I snuggle with them at twilight, amongst their little boy miracles.  I cover us with a wooly Pax blanket.